from m.s. in salt lake county

Dear Utah,

I work in direct services for victims of crime, as a victim advocate. I have been doing this for 3 years now. I have helped many survivors through Domestic Violence situations at all levels of "participation.” By that I mean it is not uncommon for a survivor to not be ready to leave their abusive partner and to be very much so heavily in the cycle of abuse.

It came as a surprise to me as I started working in this field that the majority of survivors/victims are not ready (for a lot of different reasons) to leave. What also came as a shock to me was that the majority of survivors do not feel there is adequate support for them if they were to leave, which is a big factor as to why they stay. Some stay because they are financially dependent, others because of family ties, such as the abuser is the father/mother to their child/ren. It can be extremely difficult for survivors to feel responsible for separating their families, even if it means they are putting themselves and their kids at risk.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not black and white. That is what I wish for other Utahns to understand. I wish that we would all support survivors in a trauma-informed way, understanding that ultimately they know what is best for them and their families. And that may be different than what you think is right. It’s important to just always be there. I always emphasize safety within the relationship, then when someone is ready, safety when leaving, and lastly, safety to stay away.

I would like more conversations with survivors to lead to reliable resources and funding to help them know there IS support, and they CAN do it!