FROM W.H. IN SALT LAKE COUNTY

Dear Utah,

All my life I have been a rescuer. I was groomed to be that way as I was a victim of childhood molestation at a very young age, along with severe physical and mental abuse. So when I became an adult, got married, had children, I suffered marital domestic violence that I kept it to myself. Eventually, after enduring 20 long years of this abuse, a sacrifice I told myself I had to make for the sake of my children, I divorced my husband and ended up in a homeless shelter.

I had become an alcoholic and I drank constantly to numb the pain of the trauma from my past and to prevent it from creeping into my present. I went into treatment several times and had some success with it until the treatment program changed hands and became financially driven which resulted in the suicide deaths of several of my fellow recovery family members. While in treatment, I met my next partner. He was very charming and funny. A real character! He had a story, like we all did. And like I had been trained to do, I jumped in with both feet to start bailing him out. My efforts became al- consuming and we eventually were spending every day together, me trying to keep him sober, trying to stay sober myself. Trying to help him get and keep a job. Trying to keep him fed and calm his emotional outbursts that were exasperated by a traumatic brain injury he had suffered as a teenager.

I didn't know how it all changed, but he started to get possessive of me. Getting jealous and even angry when I would talk to my friends or family. He would lash out at me if I tried to prevent him from drinking. I became incensed if I got sick and needed medical attention, not wanting to draw any attention. He would make it known that what happens between us is private and I was not to tell anyone our business. Very quickly, he had isolated me from my family and my friends and started to limit my conversations with outsiders. When we became homeless again, I was told that I could not leave my hotel room except to get breakfast, I was not to speak to anyone. I could not allow the maids to come in and clean our room. If he became angry at me, he would kick me out, only to call and demand that I come back, or there would be consequences. He became violent and unpredictable. Waking me from sound sleep choking me and hitting me on my arms and stomach. He'd grab me by my shirt and shove me up against the wall threatening me. He belittled me and called me useless and made me feel worthless. At one point, another guest in the hotel pulled me aside when he saw me alone and told me that if he heard my partner beating on me one more time, he would come through the door and shoot first and ask questions later.

When I tried to leave, the hotel manager ran after me and told me that if I left, my partner would have to leave, too. The only reason they didn't kick us out was that she was afraid for me. I went back up to the room and told him to pack up and leave. He tried to put up a fight, and I told him what the other guest had said. After a few more days at the hotel, while I waited for the bruises to heal, I called the Domestic Violence Hotline. I was able to get into the YCC in Ogden, and they helped me get into an apartment. It has taken two years for the terror to subside, but I am now in a place where I feel safe.

I wish there was a social platform where victims could post their warnings (fully vetted, of course to prevent people from making vicious accusations that are untrue). Background checks don't tell the whole story about the character of a person. Be safe out there!