From b.m. in Davis County

Dear Utah,

8 years ago, I started working at the new nonprofit, Fight Against Domestic Violence.  In truth, I was naive and ignorant when it came to domestic violence in Utah. I knew the founders, it sounded like an incredible cause, and I was looking to get back into the workforce.  If you asked me back then  if I believed domestic violence was a problem, I am sure I would have answered yes; the term alone indicates a problem, but I didn’t think I knew anyone in my immediate circle that had experienced it.  I am lucky; I have never experienced intimate partner violence, so I come to this space as an ally, not a survivor. And every day I am grateful to have the opportunity to listen to other’s experiences and have a job that is dedicated to helping those who are trying to leave a violent relationship.  

I think one of my biggest frustrations is with the shame and secrecy that surrounds domestic violence. After I started working for FADV, I began hearing story after story of survival. I became a safe space and  friends, acquaintances, and extended family members began to share their experiences with me. The prevalence of domestic violence was a wake-up call for me. It became clear that I have always known someone who experienced domestic abuse, either as a victim/survivor, or a child who grew up in a violent home; I just didn’t realize it.

If you have never experienced domestic violence you likely don’t think it really affects you, but in reality it affects all Utahns.  Domestic violence doesn’t just stay in the home; it affects our schools, workplaces, healthcare systems, and communities.  As a parent, I was shocked to learn that young people experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence of any other age demographic. It became important to me that I have conversations with my children about healthy behaviors and relationships, both romantic and platonic.  There is no better solution to domestic violence than through prevention. 

I would love to get more men and boys involved in this movement. We need them!  This is not a women's issue; this is a culture and community issue. We need men to lead discussions with other men and boys about healthy behaviors.  We need men to call out bad and unacceptable behavior when it occurs. I sincerely believe that men and boys have the power to change societal norms.  I believe by working together, we can reduce family violence, and make homes safe.