From T.D. in DAVis county

Dear Utah,

My name is Tiffany, and I'm the co-owner of The Relationship Recovery. We help individuals who are in or have escaped abusive relationships with the resources and tools needed to heal from trauma, find their authentic selves, and move forward to a better life. 

I do this work because I am a survivor of domestic violence. I was very young when I met my abuser, and he groomed me to believe that I deserved the treatment that I received from him. I endured physical, verbal, and psychological abuse but healing from the psychological abuse has been the most challenging aspect of my journey. 

I often get asked, “If it was so bad, why did you stay so long?” My answer to this - it’s extremely complicated. For many, like myself, we were or are trauma-bonded to our abusers, making it extremely difficult to leave. Trauma bonds are characterized by a cycle of abuse and intermittent positive reinforcement, making the victim feel addicted to the relationship. The abuser manipulates and isolates the victim, leading to dependence and low self-esteem, while the trauma itself impairs their ability to leave.  Despite the abuse, victims often hold onto hope and love for the abuser, making it incredibly difficult to break free. This is what held me in my relationship for 21 years. 

What surprised me most was the insidiousness of psychological abuse. This type of abuse is subtle and manipulative, and it doesn’t leave visible scars. It erodes your self-worth and distorts your perception of reality completely knocking you off of your axis. I wish more Utahns understood that domestic violence isn't always physical. It can manifest in various forms, leaving deep emotional wounds that can affect someone for the remainder of their life. 

My call to action is twofold:

Educate yourself about the different forms of abuse. Educating yourself about Intimate Partner Violence can help you recognize the signs of abuse either in your own situation or in others. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, reach out for help. There are many resources available.

Domestic violence thrives in secrecy. Talk about it, share your story, and encourage others to do the same. We need to create a culture of support and empowerment for survivors.

Together, we can make Utah a safer place for everyone.

Sincerely,

Tiffany